There were 554,000 widows and widowers 18 to 44 years of age according to the US Census Bureau statistics for 2004-2005. Widowhood at any age is a drastic life-changing event. Widows and widowers who are suddenly single parents are faced with enormous challenges. Becoming widowed as a younger person brings up the question of what to do with the rest of your life.
While there are four times as many widows as there are widowers, nevertheless, being widowed is a drastic and often devastating event. It is distinct from divorce, because most of the time the grieving widow did not want to end her marriage. Grief is complicated and the healing journey is often long, much longer than family and friends expect it to be. The widower who grieves the loss of his wife is often encouraged to date again by well-meaning friends who cannot begin to understand the depth of his pain. The loneliness and despair the widow and widower experience is compounded by the fact that too many people cannot relate to this particular loss.
The widowed person who is suddenly a single parent has another set of challenges. In addition to confronting the pain of losing a spouse, she must help her children with their own grief. If they are very young, she may spend countless hours explaining why Daddy isn’t coming home again. A widower who is left to raise his children without their mother may have no idea about the infinite details and routines his late wife had in place to keep order in hers and the children’s day. His sense of helplessness to deal with providing for the family, taking care of the children, and helping the children grieve may overwhelm him.
If the widowed person was relatively young, he or she may want to find love again. This in no way implies that there was little love for the late spouse. Gone are the days when a widow had little choice but to remain a widow until she died. It is hard to imagine being widowed at age 28 or even 40 and facing the prospect of being alone for the next 40 or 50 years. It is important that widows and widowers allow themselves time to face the grief, go through the journey, and come to a place of calm and acceptance. No one can tell them how long this will take. It is also important that when beginning to date again that widowed people understand that they do not have to stop loving their late spouse to find new love.
As you can see, widows and widowers face some heavy challenges. Working with a therapist, a support group, or a coach familiar with your experience can help you to gain the clarity you need to begin to heal your life and start anew.
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Young Widowhood – Grieving Challenges
